i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize