its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well I just put wine in my tea
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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