I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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