I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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