Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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