He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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