Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just gift wrapped bread.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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