The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize