Sponge bath it is.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
