I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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