I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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