There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
