I wish I could teleport
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
