mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
