I puked a lego.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
