I'm going to jail i love you
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
