He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize