if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How many fucks given?
0.12846
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
