I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
