This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
