i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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