Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
