Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize