I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize