i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
