I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize