he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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