I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
