It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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