So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
either way he was missing a nipple.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
