you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
