An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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