took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
