i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
