did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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