Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
