You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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