You're my little dorito
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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