So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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