You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize