glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
