remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
