I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
