he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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