hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
did you just send me my own nude
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
