He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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