do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
