Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
