just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
