I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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