"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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