Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Randomize
