everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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