Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize