So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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