That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
