So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
