Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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