my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
PS: I just woke up from my shower
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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