Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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