Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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