Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize