The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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