SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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