Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
