Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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