I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
