I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize