So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
