I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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