I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
