she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
a search helicopter?!
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
