Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
