yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
