dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wish life had little blips of pornography
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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