I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
