Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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