so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
