I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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