i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
